Evolving Family: Placing Blame

As a parent of two children I try not to compare my kids to each other. Since I have a girl and a boy, most of the time it is an easy task. Other times I find the way my children react to the same circumstance as a study in science, genetics and biology.  Each child approaches conflict in such a different way.

One child, who shall be referred to as "The Director" generally tries to control the conversation, making sure everyone has equal time and equal say, more of a "black and white" personality. The other child, who shall be referred to as "The Negotiator," usually tries to find a loop hole, looks for the exception, set terms and generally looks for balance.

The one thing that outweighs all else is that each child is very quick to place blame. Since I'm writing about blame, I want to make sure I place a good amount upon myself.  I am quick to point out when my child doesn't complete his/her chores or does something against the rules. But is that blaming or is it parenting? I feel that it all depends on the execution of the statement.

I am fortunate. My husband and I have very similar parenting styles, but our kids know how to push our buttons. We try to approach parenting with kindness, generosity and consistency, though I'm not sure my children always see it that way. One thing that we need to keep in balance is always being able to look at ourselves first before placing the blame on our children. They do learn from us.

Lately we'd had a rush of blame laid at our feet from "Why did you lock the car?" and "Why didn't you change the toilet paper roll? to "Where did you put my (insert anything here)?" and "You never let me do anything?"

My gut reaction is to tell my kids that "I wanted to leave you standing outside in the rain." and "I thought you needed to learn how to change the roll." to "I sold it." and "I'm taking you to prison right now. Don't say I never let you do anything." That is what goes through my head. It doesn't ever make it out of my mouth. Well, except for the statement about prison. It was funny at the time.

Instead I kept my emotions out of it and answered with facts. "The car self-locks after a few seconds." to "Let's find out who used the bathroom last. Some people find the roll challenging to change. Can you help?"

Sometimes the "blame game" becomes more popular than playing "What's right with you." That is the time that we take a step back and need remember there is always more right than wrong with each person.

Ways to stop the "blame game" and start playing "What's right with you!"

1) At the dinner table take turns saying one good thing that happened that day.
2) Say one good thing that each family member has done today.
3) Talk about positive news stories, not just the negative ones. Balance the good with the bad. There is a lot of negativity on TV, newspapers. There is also good stories.
4) Look for kindness.
5) The more we practice kindness, the we will see.


Keep in mind if you are looking for Adirondack events, check out our sister site, AdirondackFamilyTime.com for easy hikes, swimming holes, ski trails, calendar of events and family fun for all ages: singleton, single parents, couples, retired, dog- owners.  

Craft: 10 Poppy Crafts for Veteran's Day and Remembrance Day

Here are 10 simple options to making your own poppies for Veteran's Day or Remembrance Day. (Here is also a  timeline of the history of Veteran's Day.) Though based on the emotional history of the poppy to Veterans' Day, you may also want to make a contribution to the VFW.

Here is a list of a few of few of my favorite poppy crafts!

• Since my children attended Northern Lights School Waldorf Initiative, I've loved working in felt. Little Miss Craft creates this beautiful felt poppy. She also creates this realistic crepe paper flower.

Little Miss Craft also has many
variations of other paper flowers. 

• Sara Hunt from "Serendipity  by Sara" creates a cute paper poppy using red and black napkins.
• The Domestic Goddesque created these cute fingerprint poppy prints. This is perfect for little kids. I love how she used seeds for the center of the poppy. So cute!
• JDaniel4's MOM creates a beautiful poppy using coffee filters. It gives kids the opportunity to color something in completely. It will take some time to prepare as the coffee filter will need to dry.
• The Pumpkin Patch Kids used red cupcake liners. This is a simpler approach since no paint or coloring is needed.
• Bonkers About Buttons uses red and black buttons to create a cute poppy. I'd like to see it on a stem, but it's wonderful just glued to a piece of paper. Besides it fun for little ones to search for the perfect button.
• Over at The MadHouse, demonstrates how to make a beautiful poppy pinwheel.
• Candice Ashment Art uses children's hand prints for these lovely poppy remembrances.
• Andrea Mulder-Slater at KinderArt uses a simple heart template to create a poppy.

Also use a small paper plate and color it red and use the Domestic Goddesque's idea of seeds in the center. Attache the plates together to make a wreath and hang it on your door or give it to a veteran!

The poppy became to symbol of Veterans' of Foreign Wars (VFW) based on the poem by John McCrae. McCrae, a Canadian serving in Ypres during "The Great War" 1914- In 1924, wrote is thought to have written "In Flander's Field" as the eulogy for his friend Lieutenant Alexis Helmer.

If's a recipe you're looking for, here is Midwestern Exposure's Poppyseed Pinwheels. 

IN FLANDER'S FIELD

by John McCrae  

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow,
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky,
The larks, still bravely singing, fly,
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the dead.
Short days ago,
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved and now we lie,
In Flanders Fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe
To you, from failing hands, we throw,
The torch, be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us, who die,
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow,
In Flanders Fields.

According to the VFW website, the VFW started to distribute poppies in 1922 and it soon became to official memorial flower of Veterans' of Foreign War in the United States. The official VFW "Buddy"® Poppies have been assembled by disabled veterans since 1924, providing assistance to those veterans in VA hospitals. 

For easy hikes, snowshoe and ski trails, swimming holes, Adirondack events and activities and places to go around the Adirondack Park, check out AdirondackFamilyTime.com. I did write the book on AdirondackFamilyActivities™ :-) 

photo of Buddy"® Poppies © Diane Chase, AdirondackFamilyTime.com. 

Eating Right: Water Kefir

I love Kefir. I've made my own yogurt for years and after my honeymoon in Greece, came back with the idea of straining yogurt long before "Greek yogurt" was the fad it is today. Making yogurt takes time and the way my children eat, my evenings can be filled just making yogurt.

I am looking for an easy solution with yogurt's similar healthy probiotic nutrition. My research told me that Kefir was a fermented product that would "cure" right on my pantry shelf. That is certainly something that I can do. I envision no more washing pans from heating milk, no more watching the temperature to make sure its reached the right cooling temperature and no more fridge full of small yogurt containers.

Though Milk Kefir is what I eventually want to make, I thought starting with Water Kefir would be an option to take soft drinks off my kids "most wanted" list. A healthy, bubbly drink Water Kefir is also full of healthy probiotics as well minerals, enzymes, easily-digestible sugars, beneficial acids and vitamins such as a range of B vitamins, vitamin K as well as folic acid.  

Kefir means "feel good" in Turkish. The  correct pronunciation for Kefir is  "Kuh- fear" though I've been guilty of pronouncing is as "Kee-fer") This fermented product is made from a combination of a yeast and bacteria that forms a culture.  Here is a history of Water Kefir, if you are interested.

I didn't know anyone that was making Kefir so I bought my Water Kefir grains from Yemoos Nourishing Grains. 

I also bought Milk Kefir and Ginger Beer grains. With my existing sourdough starter (that did come from a friend) my pantry is a bubbling, yeasting science experiment of healthy goodness!

We'll find out how it all turns out.

Don't forget to check out www.AdirondackFamilyTime.com for Adirondack activities, easy hikes and more family fun. I did write the book on it ;-) . 

I remember being overwhelmed

There are so many times that I remember hearing, "Enjoying it while you can, kids grow up so fast." I remember thinking that I would enjoy things a bit more, if I could only sleep a bit more  and work a bit less. This Adirondack mama didn't come with a nanny, manny or another mother's helper. I am fortunate that my husband and I have similar parenting styles. I'm not if our children always appreciate it, though. Here's to always learning, growing and not being so overwhelmed.

Of course, if you are looking for Family Fun and family friendly activities, head over the AdirondackFamilyTime.com. There are plenty of lists, hikes, easy family fun for parents, singletons, dog owners and even people just looking for easy entertaining activities around the six-million acre Adirondack Park. Enjoy!